Why Do I Act the Way I Do?

So this blog is to help understand our own behaviour. More often than not we do act in a rational manner which has pleasing outcomes. However , unfortunately , there can also be many times when we act in a way that appears to be totally inappropriate to what is actually taking place. What is actually taking place is our present , current , in THIS moment reality. What is taking place in our mind is a recalled emotion to an event , or circumstances, that took place sometime in our past.

This is more often referred to as a “trigger”, an emotional recall happening only in our mind but being overlaid on the event taking place in real time. This results in us behaving in a manner which, to an outsider, is totally unrelated to what is really taking place. This can be extremely frustrating to all parties concerned, as in effect, there are two different realties being experienced at the same time. Once a past emotion is recalled in the mind, then the current event is viewed through, what might be described as a filter, or a prism. In the mind the reality is distorted, to cause a reaction which mirrors what took place at a past moment or event. As this is a memory it may not even be accurate to the past event, but it will be relevant to the emotions that were experienced at that past event time.

The other factor to consider is the maturity at the time this past event took place. When we are younger we are not necessarily emotionally developed enough to know how to process what we are experiencing. Consequently we may have got frustrated in not being able to express ourselves, we may have withdrawn or we may have got angry. We may have got resentful, we may have felt inadequate or we may have felt threatened. Of course this an endless list. What is important to understand NOW is that these are the emotions that we held on to; sometimes aware of them, but more often they are buried or suppressed.

When a similar situation arises that reflects these past events then it triggers these unmet emotions. And we react according to the arising emotions as opposed to the current event, that may be presented in a way that has nothing to do with how the similar past event was experienced or acted on. What to do!!

Sometimes we have the good fortunate to meet up with more wiser and compassionate souls who can recognise what is taking place. With this understanding they are able to gently turn us around to recognise what is taking place. We are likely to initially resist this approach but a persistent approach can often prevail. Sometimes the “others” in our lives have their own hurts and pains, so the event escalates into confrontation, and there can be a breakdown in communication and understanding. Then it may be best to seek out professional help to heal the “younger” us that still resides emotionally within us. This will be a safer environment for that pain to be expressed, acknowledged, listened to and redirected, to the time and place when it actually took place.

This is “Healing” at its best. It assists us to recognise what is past and what is present. More importantly we develop the skills to be able to release the pain we have unconsciously buried as a coping mechanism. And ultimately we become masters of our own well being that can only lead to a happier, healthier and more loving life.